Swoop Presents: Follow That Bird!
by Swoops
Summary: A short sequel to the story Sex, Lies, and Innervates, in which the ever snarky priest finds herself a new obsession.


Sorim Lightsong writhed elegantly in the pile of plush runecloth, carrying on like it were gold. "Oh, oh YES, this is PERFECT, I ADORE IT, it's so, so RICH and LOVELY!" he gushed, his blonde locks carelessly mussed ‡ from his wriggling around in the stuff.

Swoop stood before him, a look of uncertainty tinged with uncomfortable disgust playing across her delicate face. "Uh...hey. Hey? Over here?"

"Oh. Oh yes." The blood elf collected himself, smoothing his hair back and extricating himself from the pile.

"So...can I have one NOW?" the priest requested plaintively.

The only answer was an immaculately pale finger topped with a neatly trimmed and polished fingernail, pointing in the general direction of the auction house.

With a sigh, the priest trudged off, wondering if this was really worth it but knowing in her heart of hearts that oh yes, yes it was.

----------

_Earlier..._

Swoop watched Winaestra from the cover of the nearby brush as she patted and cooed at one of several hawkstriders prancing around her, their armor jingling oh-so-prettily as they flounced about. Ever since she'd seen one of the creatures at Falcon Watch, she'd been absolutely obsessed with obtaining one as her own. Truth be told, Swoop was downright weird when it came to animals, whether it be to ride or to pat and pet and cuddle and fawn over like a moron - she had a sizeable collection of 'pets', the latest addition being her war kodo, which she'd affectionately dubbed 'Carol' in a vague reference to the holidays being enjoyed by everyone when she'd obtained him. With a particularly longing sigh, she crept out of the bushes, called Stanley out of nowhere and rode imperiously up to the vendor, who sneered at her in what could be assumed a friendly enough fashion. It seemed these new allies spent a lot of their time sneering. Or smiling coldly. They were kind of weird.

"I BEG your pardon, but that slobbering beast you're riding is scaring my DAINTIES. If you could be so KIND as to..." Winaestra fluttered a hand in a shooing motion, not bothering to finish her sentence, and Swoop slid off of Stanley, giving him a reassuring pat. Letting him loose, he made a beeline for the local brush, a whole HOST of new and potentially delicious critters waiting to be caught and summarily digested.

"I was uh...actually wondering if I could have one of...those. Please." Swoop thought the question was phrased quite politely but the blood elf looked at her in horrified dismay.

"Oh no. No no no no NO! I'm sorry but only the most TRUSTED and HELPFUL allies to the grand and GLORIOUS city of Silvermoon may purchase, let alone ride, one of my PRECIOUS BABIES."

Swoop blinked. "But...but I spent...haven't you heard of me? I spent I don't know how many hours in Alterac Valley fighting the good fight for the horde and all that. Surely you've heard of me."

Winaestra smiled coolly. "Well yes and that's LOVELY and all but that was for the HORDE, not JUST Silvermoon. I'm afraid you're going to have to do us some favors DIRECTLY if you wish to have one of my DARLINGS."

The priest pondered the implications of that statement, then turned, puzzled, to observe the lush forest behind her. "What, you mean around HERE? Don't you have enough errand boys and girls to do all this stuff for you?"

The blood elf grinned. "Now that YOU'RE here, I'm sure things will get done MOST expediently."

-------------

_Slightly after THAT..._

Apothecary Renzithen thanked Swoop profusely for the murloc spines she'd salvaged from the coastline, oblivious to her mild discomfort with the task. It wasn't really so much that she hated killing murlocs, it wasn't so much that they were undead murlocs, it wasn't that they were zombie murlocs with free will, it was that she could SWEAR she saw one of them carting a bushel of morrowgrain and ducking into a small hole in the coastline before she could catch it to check, and the sight of the herb had let her on a long and decidedly uncomfortable series of questions and conclusions. ‡‡ The Apothecary detected none of this however, and left Swoop to go find more to do.

Tranquillen was...kind of creepy to be honest, she guessed at one point in time it must have been quite lovely, just like the rest of Eversong Woods, but the landscape that was so pretty one island had instead been twisted, here. And the blood elves of Tranquillen were at least a LITTLE more friendly to her. Why the Farstriders kept telling her she should sign up to be one of them, after the series of tasks she'd performed and the people she'd helped rescue. Why, exactly, they were that desperate for recruits was an interesting question, but not really one she was hard-pressed to answer, and so she continued on until, inevitably, there was nothing left to do.

"Are you sure? REALLY sure? I mean surely there's more errands you need doing-" she'd babbled as they fairly rushed her out of town, hastily singing her praises and shoving her on the next bat available to Silvermoon, and it was with some amount of trepidation that she approached Winaestra again, who smiled politely ‡‡‡ but once again refused Swoop's request.

"But I've DONE everything!" Swoop wailed plaintively. "There's nothing left for me to DO-"

"Oh, but there IS something," the blood elf cooed delightedly, "You see we've been RATHER short on cloth-"

"-NO WAY. No WAY. You have GOT to be kidding me. Every time I try to get one of these things it always comes down to 'Oh hey we don't have enough cloth for bandages or sheets or pillows or #$&(# GARTER BELTS-" The blood elf stared her down, one delicate eyebrow arched in a frozen tableau of perfection, and the hawkstriders behind her clucked and hooted at her outburst, one of the glorious creatures pausing to stare in a way that Swoop was sure MUST be heartbroken, until the priest's shoulders slumped, defeated.

"...fine. Where's he at."

Winaestra languidly pointed the way.

-----------------

_Okay back to now..._

Once more, Swoop dumped a pile of the runecloth in front of the preening quartermaster, who insisted on inspecting every last piece, cuddling it against his cheek, rubbing his face against it and cooing with joy at every bit of it.

"Hey." Swoop interrupted. "Got a question for you." Sorim glanced up, half-distracted by the pile of plush pretties in front of him. "Hmm?"

"We are, in general, superior to the creatures that roam the world and attack at will, right?" The blood elf nodded with a beaming smile that could only be called patronizing. "Okay, so we have better homes, and weapons, and armor, and everything, right?" Sorim paused in his counting to tilt his head at the priest with an inquisitive nod.

"...so how come they have all the GOOD cloth, and we're stuck scavenging it off of them?"

Sorim Lightsong, for once, had no idea what to say. Swoop tapped her foot significantly, and he struggled for an answer. "Well...you see...the way the wo...oh my, would you LOOK at this!"

"What?" the priest blinked.

"Well it looks like you have - why yes, you have JUST enough runecloth here!"

"I DO?" she gasped. The blood elf nodded, handing her a scrap of paper.

"Right then, I do decree you a hero to Silvermoon, exalted for your service to the city, something-or-other bless you blah blah blah take that to Winaestra and she'll get you one of the beasts, though why you would want one of the fl-" He cut himself off as the priest ran off, nodding to himself. "Well there's more than ONE way to answer a question."

--------------------

Much, much later in Orgrimmar, Swoop sat perched on a fencepost of the stables she'd rented out for the collection of animals - she couldn't really expect the bank to watch them all, and when she'd introduced Karus to her latest as-yet unnamed acquisition he'd stared her down and pointed the thing out of the bank. The hawkstrider seemed to like playing tag with Stanley, who had taken to the newcomer quite nicely. ‡‡‡‡ At the moment, the two of them were staggering around the corral like idiots as they'd been racing each other in circles around it for the past half hour. The hawkstrider jostled into her, puffing his emerald feathers in dismay as she reacted by throttling his neck in the fiercest of hugs. "I shall call you SPINNY. Or maybe Ruffles. Or...no, Spinny works for me, for some reason."

And as the sun set around Orgrimmar, Swoop sat contentedly amidst a herd of barking, mewing, croaking, chirping, squawking critters and thanked whatever that she wouldn't have to look at runecloth again for a very, very long time.

‡ - And still oddly perfect. God those elves were weird.

‡‡ - See the story Sex, Lies and Innervates for details. Uh...wasn't her fault. REALLY.

‡‡‡ - Like a refrigerator thanking you for putting cheese and eggs in it.

‡‡‡‡ - ie, he didn't try to eat it.


End file.
